Pattern in America's therapy culture: "Let's figure out a way to blame parents for not doing enough, and getting it all wrong." Innocent logic: this will get us out of being responsible for our lives. Yay!
No, not yay.
Blame fuels a fire of self-sabotage. This fire flickers deep inside burning through your power.
Fuel it and suffer. Turn it off. Just like you would turn off your car engine when you aren't driving it.
Allow it to extinguish into your own goodness and enjoy life.
How can you put that flame out?
1. Understand that your parents always did the best that they could with the tools that they had. Everyone does the best they can within their circumstance.
- Your current circumstances are not enhanced by repeating parents mistakes.
- If you notice yourself repeating poor habits that your parents demonstrated, it's because you have not forgiven them yet.
2. Let go and learn from your parents mistakes.
- The greatest gift of family is a deeply ingrained view of peoples flaws.
- Notice, things that do/did and don't/didn't serve them from an intimate level.
- Know that no matter how dis-FUN-ctional your family, the lessons are plentiful and serve as a lifetime of education. This is part of evolution.
3. Take responsibility for your pain and regret. It's okay to make mistakes. When we blame others, we punish ourselves. We are blaming ourself.
- See that you are a good person and mean well.
- Take responsibility for creating your suffering and forgive yourself (This is human. All humans do this, so cute).
- Think positive thoughts about your progress.
4. Say to yourself, "I forgive you for holding onto this pain." "Thank you mom, and I am sorry for your pain." "Thank you dad, and I am sorry for your pain." "I know you did the best you could with the tools that you had at the time." "I let go of past hurst and regrets. All people make mistakes, and I have learned from my mistakes. I let go of the thoughts and habits that no longer serve me. I love you and thank you for surviving. May I now enjoy my life with the new helpful tools that I have learned as an adult . Thank you for all events that have led me to this moment.
If you wish to live your life with purpose, let go of blame. Let go of victimhood and make the choice to understand that parents make Oopsies too. It's okay for you to make OOPSIES. The best people make oopsies.
Reach out for support!